I'm Freakin' Exhausted

 

I am addicted to a new workout class. It's the perfect combination of bar and core training (love reliving my ballerina days) and pilates. 

 

During my Saturday class, the woman, on the reforner next to me, was struggling. The instructor came up to her and said, "I know you're tired." With a huge sigh of frustration, she said, "I'm freaking exhausted." I couldn't help but start laughing. I hope she didn't hear me. I wasn't laughing at her. Trust me, my abs were killing me and my legs were about to start uncontrollably shaking. I wasn't laughing at her frustration. I was laughing because, in my quiet time that morning, I had just used those very words with the Lord.

 

Now before you accuse me of blasphemy, please know that I approach the throne humbly and reverently, but I also approach it boldly. I always begin by praising God and reminding myself of who He is, but am always honest about my emotions. What good is it to keep them locked inside or to dress them up to appear prettier or softer? Let us not forget that He already knows what we're thinking and feeling - we might as well put it all out there.

 

So back to my prayer... as I was praying, I heard the Lord whisper - "I know you're tired."  I wrote down, "I'm not tired - I'm freakin' exhausted."  And I am.

 

I have been in such a long season of wandering in the wilderness. Such a very long season. 

 

I was having a sad day, a few days ago, when one of my girlfriends, who had the best of intentions, {seriously, if you are reading this, it was SUCH a kind gesture} sent me two songs to cling to on that day. The songs were Mercy Me, Jesus Bring the Rain, and Phil Wickham, Safe. 

 

I love those songs, but I have loved and clung to those songs for four years now. I can not tell you how many runs I have cried out "If that's what it takes to praise you, then, Jesus, bring the rain..." and I have meant those words with all of my heart. But, here's the thing, He has brought the rain. He has brought a LOT of rain. And I have learned to dance in it. I have learned to trust, against obstacles that speak to the contrary. I have learned to hope, when there was nothing but Him to hope in.  And I have learned to endure, as the rain and sadness and temptation and defeat pour down.  

 

I know He is terrifyingly sovereign. I have learned to praise Him in and through the rain... so can I learn to praise Him in the sun too?

 

I am ready - I am ready for this season to change.

 

Joshua 3:4 states, "and then you will know the way to go. You have never been this way before."

 

The difference between the generation of Israelites who died in the wilderness and those who entered the promise land, was not their belief in God, but their belief that He could actually do what He said He could do through them. Those that wandered in the wilderness for forty years had seen God perform miracles time and time again. They had seen Him be faithful, but they didn't believe that that faithfulness and power would be enough for them to overcome the giants that stood between them and the promise land. 

 

I say what I'm about to say, first saying that I might get a "no" - that I will probably get a "wait" - but I might, I just might get a "yes."

 

I am ready to leave the wilderness. I don't care how scary the next place the Lord calls me seems, I am ready. I know that He is fully capable of carrying me through anything. I know that He is fully capable of doing anything. I know that, if I make it out of this season, it is because He and He alone delivered me. 

 

I'm freakin tired of dancing in the rain... I have seen His goodenss, I am ready for Him to show me His glory. 

 

So come on, God - do your thing... I'm waiting, in anxious anticipation.

 

- Biblically Blonde