A Tangled Tale Of Time In The Tower

 

Over Thanksgiving break, my phone rang. It was my boss {one of the most influential partners at my law firm} calling from his home in Connecticut. He wasn't calling to ask my advice or to request my assistance. He was instead calling because he had just finished seeing Disney's Tangled with his four kids and couldn't get over how much the main characters mannerisms and features looked like mine.

 

{At this point, a self respecting working woman would probably have some concern over the fact that her biggest boss had just equated her to a cartoon character, but, fortunately, we're not dealing with one of those... we're dealing with me}

 
And I immediately and honestly responded... "I've always wanted to be a princess" but then I sighed, laughed and said, "but of course I'm the princess that they stuck in the tower...."

 

I saw the movie for the first time last night, and I so pray that I am as joyful and as hopeful as the heroine... I know some days I have to fight for that part of me to be seen, so I don't know if I can claim her mannerisms and her looks, but I do know that I share her frustrations, her fears and her hopeful spirit.

I can not tell you how many nights spent on my couch or in my bed have felt so frighteningly like time trapped in a tower. I can't describe to you how, to the depths of my being, I have felt like someone has pushed a cosmic pause button and said... stay here for a bit... wait.

And I wonder... have you ever felt trapped in a tower too?

One of my mentors told me one night, amidst my tears and sobs over some heartbreak, "True princesses need a lot of time in the tower."

As much as I hate to admit it, I believe that is true.

I am not for a second saying that "tower time" is equated solely to singleness.  Let's instead equate "tower time" to any delayed dream. Not "I dream to live in London or vacation in Italy" but to a deeply desired dream - one that defines you.

Those whom God has called unto Him - those whose hearts are turned to Him -  should be prepared for some delays and some time of pruning.

Hebrews 12:6 is not really a verse that you want to put on your bathroom mirror and gaze at first thing every morning, but it is one that we all need to remember... "the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as son."

I don't believe that, on the Saturday nights where I have been left with a half eaten pizza and a pending sense of hopelessness, I was being punished for sins, but I do know, looking back, that I was being pruned.

C. S. Lewis has a great visual that talks about how we, as Christians, want God to come into our lives and do some remodeling. We think, when we let Him in, that He'll add some crown molding... some bookshelves here and there... maybe even some granite or marble. All of the sudden; however, walls start getting knocked down... the roof is being removed... rain... wind... elements... are all pouring in. It's painful. It's difficult. It's a process. Because, see the thing is our God doesn't come in to remodel - He comes in to rebuild. He comes to make us not a better house, but a different house entirely.

And, precious princess, pruning is painful, but it is for your protection and it is for a perfect purpose.

The purpose in your life is different than the purpose in mine and it's different than the purpose in yours and my friends' lives. The purpose is personal, and we thankfully serve a personal God. He knows what we need - He knows where we're going - He's preparing us to be His princess.

I know waiting is hard. I know it is tedious. I know it is painful. I know it does not come naturally. I do not do it easily. I have not done it perfectly. And I most assuredly have and continue to do it with many tears.

 

Yet, in all of our weaknesses, we must cling to the fact that we have a God that majors in the supernatural. We have a God that graces us to walk the path that lies ahead. We have a God that has a plan.

May we trust the author and orchestrator of our faith and may we cling to the fact that, just as the rests in a symphony are not a pause in the music, but a part of the music, so too are the rests in our life. May we remember that the conductor of a symphony is not pausing during the rests, but he is instead counting the beats until the music will play again. So too is your heavenly Father counting the beats during the in the rests of your life.  He is longing to bless you - - He is longing for the music to play again, but He is waiting - - He is waiting intentionally - - He is waiting lovingly - - He is waiting with an eternal purpose.

So, with that, I will leave you with the words of Naomi to Ruth in chapter three, verse eighteen of the book of Ruth, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens...."  

 

Wait... wait... and watch out, because when your Heavenly Father... the orchestrator of your story says it's time, He will waste no time, and when He cues your music to play - get ready to have your breath taken away.

 

So back to Tangled... Rapunzel, right before she is about to see the "bright lights" - her dream, her destiny -  unfold, for the first time, she says, "I'm terrified... what if it isn't as amazing as I imagined?" The hero, in the story, looked at her and replies, "It will be - it will be more." 

 

Rest your hope in the Lord, the true hero of your story, and I assure you - "It will be... it will be more."

 

-B.B.

Love... True Love.

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
 
- Words: George Matheson, Music: Christopher Miner

27 Dresses Was So 20 Dresses Ago

In March of 2008, as I was racing into a Country Club in a bridesmaids dress from one wedding, about to change into a dress for another wedding, I got asked at least 10 times... "Have you seen the movie 27 Dresses?"

The first few times I was asked, I would smile and calmly say "no." However, about five times in, as my teal taffeta dress was falling to the floor and my black dress was being slipped over my head, I began smiling and sternly saying, "no need... I read my prayer journal."

And that, ladies, was March of 2008. Need I remind you that we are now two weeks shy of March 2011 and the dresses keep piling up as the single friends keep slipping away. {I have actually, finally seen 27 Dresses... cute movie where even SHE gets married 1.5 hours later...}

I am losing another batch of friends this spring and summer. I keep making new ones, and they keep finding the right one. I have said, on multiple occasions, "become my friend and you'll be married in less than a year." {Not meet the one that you're going to marry in less than a year, but actually be married in less than a year.} 

This promise has yet to fall short {sidenote: lifelong friends are excluded from this rule - but most of you are married by now anyway}.

So after several springs and summers, I have accumulated quite a collection of girlfriends, and I love each and every one of them, but I'm still all alone on weekends and holidays {those times where I feel like couples are couples and me, as a single is just in the way}.

There are days when I want to scream and shout... wait... I do scream.  I do shout. ...And the cycle keeps repeating itself.

I'm frustrated. I'm lonely. I have a right to be frustrated, and I have a right to be lonely. I can take both of those to the Lord. I can take them to Him multiple times a day. He can take it. Praise Him that He can take it.

So, I question Him… I plead… I beg… I cry. I lean into and on Him. I have a right to. Trust me, if you've seen some of the dresses I've worn, you'd cry too. 

I might feel like I have the right to pout, BUT I do not have the right to panic. 

I have had verses pop into my mind from time to time, but I have never had one fly out of nowhere and impress itself upon my heart. That is, until now.

It happened while I was in New York three weeks ago for work. In the middle of a stimulating meeting on the cycle of a bankruptcy, I heard Joshua 3:4… "and then you will know the way to go, you have never been this way before."  

Please know I have not read Joshua in years nor recently heard a sermon on this passage. That verse was not coming from the outside, it was coming from within.

I turned the verse over and over in my head, for the next few days. I read the context and reminded myself of the circumstances surrounding it. And then it started happening… that verse started appearing everywhere… as the theme verse to a Bible study that I started the following Tuesday… in e-mails from friends… in forwards that I received. 

I don't know what He's up to, but God is intentional. Ladies, if you hear me say anything, hear this - our God is intentional.

I'm frustrated and tired and weary because I feel like I am living the same song, two hundredth verse… but what if I'm not… what if God is doing a new thing… what if I've never been this way before.

The context of this verse - the entrance of the Israelite nation into the Promise land - carries with it a lot of weight. This generation was able to enter because they not only believed in God, but they also believed Him fully capable of doing what He said He would do and doing it through them. However, just like any God thing… He does His thing at His own pace and in His own way. Therefore, it makes sense that the instructions, for entering the promise land, dealt with distance and with pace. 

I love how Major Thomas describes this scene in, The Saving Life of Christ:

"They were to give God room to maneuver in time and pace; they were not to crowd in on the situation, but to keep well back. The Bible records for us so many tragic blunders committed by good, earnest, sincere, well-meaning men in a hurry, who acted precipitately under the pressure of circumstance. Learn to give God room to maneuver. Learn to be still and to know that He is God. You do not have the right to panic! If you are solidly convinced that God is the arbiter of your affairs, you will never be anxious. 'Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass…rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. (Ps. 37:5, )'"

What I must remember is that God is in control. None of my days… not even those spent in silly side less, backless numbers or yards of teal taffeta are a surprise to Him, not one. He knows where I am and He knows where we're going, and I can't rush Him {although I can beg, plead and prod Him}. 

You see, I could see spring coming and try to hurry ahead, but that would be at my own peril.  Because maybe, just maybe, "I've never been this way before."

-Biblically Blonde

It's A Liz Lemon Kind Of Day...

For a couple of years now, I have repeatedly told a friend of mine just how much she reminds me of Liz Lemon.  Episodes of 30 Rock could literally be a day in her life.  This is an e-mail I received from her yesterday morning... 

Picture me, at my desk, pretending to work...boss comes in:

Boss: What are you eating?

Me: A cookie

Boss: It's only 10am... where did you get that?

Me: Oh, my snack drawer in my desk.

Boss: You have a snack drawer? Do you really think that's a good idea for you? (Insert judgmental look) 

Me: I hate you. I'm always hungry, I can't help it.

Naturally, I laughed and sent her this...

Then a few hours later, I had another e-mail waiting for me...

God help me...

When he came back in my office yesterday afternoon, I was again eating a cookie.  He was like "Seriously, again? This is like dejavu, I think you're even on the same bite you were last time" 

I love you, Lemon.

-George's Girl

Valentines Day... Repost

This was too good not to re-post... Valentines Day 2010...

When I woke up this morning, I made a decision: I am not going to be the sad, bitter single girl today. So I got up and began to get dressed for church.

I started with a red ensemble with a heart necklace. Then I thought, "Nah, looks like you're trying too hard to be into Valentine's Day when everyone knows you can't like it that much when you're single."

So I put on all black. Then I thought, "Nah, looks like you're the bitter, single girl trying not to be into Valentine's Day. Let's not be Her."

So I added a pink necklace. Then I thought, "Perfect. This says, 'I sort of hate Valentine's Day, but not really cause I still get to eat sugar.' "

Dressed, I headed to church. I soon realized I wasn't wearing my contacts, but I wasn't going to be deterred from my happy day, so I put on some pop music and continued, whether or not I couldn't read the road signs.

As it turned out, the Austin Marathon was blocking my exit onto MoPac. For several minutes I remained stuck in detour traffic alongside the Marathoners. They looked miserable, so I thought, "I'll encourage them!" Naturally, I  rolled down my window, turned on "Go For It" from the pill-popping episode of Saved By the Bell,  and yelled "You can do it!" at the passers-by.

No one looked at me.

Oh well.
      
So now, kind of hurt and realizing that my detour had ended, leaving me nowhere helpful, I began actively searching for a way onto MoPac by driving through residential streets. After 10 minutes, I found the next MoPac exit also blocked by Marathoners. Incredibly frustrated, I rolled down my window and asked the police officer how to get onto MoPac.

His response? "I don't know." My response? "Ok. Thanks." My non-verbal response? "Die. I hate you."
      
At this point, after very purposely rolling up my window, I began yelling expletives that normally only come out of my mouth when I don't want to censor myself while singing along to certain songs from Rent and Spring Awakening. And "Forgot About Dre."

I thought about giving up and going home, but then I thought, "NO! If you go home, THEY win. Do NOT let them win!" So I kept driving and searching. After a second police officer at another location told me he didn't know how I could get on MoPac, I started crying. He felt awkward, which made me feel good.

As I continued driving, I wanted to roll down my windows and blast, "I Hate Everything About You" by Ugly Kid Joe at the Marathoners. I didn't. I'd like to say it was because I knew that that would not be glorifying to the Lord. My restraint, however, was more probably due to the fact that I didn't think they'd understand the lyrics, which would just further frustrate me.

I cried and cussed for another 10 minutes or so until I finally found a way onto MoPac. I was going to be at least 30 minutes late to church, but I was still going to be there, so I realized that I needed stop cursing and channel my anger into something  less destructive, ya know, in order to prepare my heart for worship.

Solution! Yes, this was it. Celine Dion screams without cussing, so if I scream-sing along with her, I can vent my anger without further blackening my soul.

Ipod> artist> Celine Dion> shuffle songs.

This was working. Yes, this would do.

About a minute in, I realized: I am crying and shouting the words to, "All By Myself." On Valentine's Day.

I wasn't going to be that girl, but I got tricked.

Congratulations, Universe. You win.  

-Bleh Dahling

To My Valentine... Where Ever You Are.

Dear Valentine,

Happy Valentine's Day 2011.  

I don't know who you are... I don't know where you are... and I don't know why the heck it's taking you so long - but what I want you to know is that, on this Valentine's day, more than any other, I choose you.

I'm sorry for the Valentine's days when "someone" seemed to suffice and I apologize for the Valentine's days when I was stubbornly passing the time with someone who could not possibly be God's best for my life. I'm sorry when I've doubted you and when I've doubted our God.

What a God we serve, huh? He has used these last few years of my life to make me fall madly in love with Him. He is truly amazing. He is worthy of our trust. He is more than able to grace us in the wait and in the journey.

I honestly and fervently hope this is the last Valentine's day that I will spend without you, but it may not be. So, let me just say, I can't wait and let me remind myself and promise you that, even when I'm angry at or frustrated with you, I won't forget how thankful I am to have you in my life and what a privilege it is to fight alongside you.

This world is tough, but there is so much good to be sought and to be done... may we do it together.

And may we never spend Valentine's day surrounded by red roses, eating a pre-set, four course meal.... I'm certain we will be more creative than that.

Until then, all my love... 

- Biblically Blonde

"You Came Like A Winter Snow..."

 

It snowed again today. I looked out of the window by my bed at 6:19 am and could see the bricks in the courtyard. I looked again at 6:30 and all I could see was white. Everything had been covered with snow.

 

There is a song that was on Chris Tomlin's 2010 Christmas CD. It's Winter Snow and it's sung by Audrey Assad. I have listened to it a lot lately. I love the style of the song, but I'm so intrigued by the words...

 

"You came like a winter snow - quiet and soft and slow - falling, from the sky, in the night, to the earth below."

 

It talks about all the ways God could have come -  all the ways He could have blown into our world. But instead He came like snow... quiet, soft, slow.

 

And, as I looked out my window this morning, I was reminded, that, as silent as snow fall is, it instantly changes everything. Snow shakes up our schedules, our habits, our rituals and it transforms the landscape...

 

Our Lord subtly, sovereignly, supernaturally snuck into the world and, in an instant, changed everything.

 

He was no longer on His throne nor was He in a bush, or a fiery cloud, or the temple... He was with us.

 

And I wonder if we've slowed down enough today to sense Him because I assure you, He still is... and He is the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Prince of Peace... 

He still changes everything.

Hanky Panky

 

This weekend, if I can get out of the Northern Tundra that was once called Dallas, Texas, I am heading to a ranch with a bunch of my girlfriends. Honestly, {it's probably the Texas in me} I can not think of two better things to combine than ranches and girlfriends... {and... well... wine}. Both - technically all three - refresh me like nothing aside from God can.

 

And, since Valentine's day is upon us... I thought I would surprise all of my fabulous girlfriends with my next favorite thing - hanky pankys. 

 

I LOVE hanky pankys (if you don't know, don't google it...). Although I remember that I was a freshman in college the first time I discovered them, I can't remember my life before them.

 

So, at the beginning of this week, the thought of giving them as gifts popped into my head, and I thought "perfect" I will pop on over to the mall and grab some!

 

Well... the fact that our city has been turned into an ice skating rink has made popping anywhere completely impossible. Discouraged, I had resigned to the fact that I would show up empty handed UNTIL I remembered that my office building is attached to a hotel which is attached to Stanley Korshak. {I know... you can hate me later, just track with me now.}

 

So... I put on my long gloves, my heavy coat, my water resistant shoes, and I trudged onward to buy my gifts. As I walked into Stanley Korshak, I was greeted by a man. I smile and ask for "women's lingerie"... he smiles back, but states that they don't carry that here - all they have are spanks and hose, and he's sure that is not what I had in mind. Well of course it's not what I had in mind... who gets excited about spanks and hose?? A department store with no lingerie?? No panties?? {yuck...hate that word} How is that even legal??

 

With a deep sigh I say, "How can you not have hanky pankys??" He stops and says,  "Oh, you know, I think they do - in the bridal department." I immediately state, "Well that's no good, they can't say 'I do' on them." He smiles, leans forward, winks and says, "Of course not, what fun would that be?"

 

I suddenly realize that he thinks I'm easy and he'd like to jump in the ring. Oh brother...

 

I step back. Smile. Say thank you. And briskly walk away.

 

So what's the lesson in this story? Oh, there isn't one.

 

But I do thank the Lord for hanky pankys and for the fact that the bridal department actually had some precious leopard and red ones that my friends and I will be donning this Valentine's day. 

 

Ladies, if you haven't already, you really should check them out. {And no - I am not a paid sponsor...} They are amazingly comfortable and adorable but, for now, the salesman, and any man for that matter, will just have to take my word for it...

 

-B.B.

Wounded.

I'm wounded.

 

There. I said it. I am.

 

I can write funny stories and I can write about lessons learned and I can see how so much my past has made me better and stronger, but, when push comes to shove... I'm scared. I'm scared to get in the ring again. I'm scared to have my heartbroken. I'm scared to let someone in.

 

I saw No Strings Attached recently and, although I wouldn't recommend it as your moral compass, I really enjoyed the movie. There were many scenes that made me laugh out loud, but there was one scene that made me cry. Natalie Portman's character's mom turns to her and says: "I don't know when you decided that you had to be strong for everyone else, but I can handle you hurt. The world can handle you hurt."

 

I felt, in that moment, as though the Lord was speaking right to me saying... I can handle you hurt. This world can handle you hurt. Be honest - be humble - be hurt.

 

This world is not for the faint of heart. It will break your heart time and time again. And, although we do serve a loving and sovereign God, that does, by grace, take what was intended for evil and turn it to good, we will get injured in the process. You and I will and have incurred wounds.

 

I was reminded that it's ok to play wounded. It's ok to sit on the bench for a little or not always play at your best. Your Heavenly Father can handle you hurt. In fact, He came for the sick... the injured... the impaired.. the wounded. He is in fact the great physician and the sooner you go to Him with your ailments, the faster He can make you whole again.

 

I'm wounded, but one day those wounds will heal and they will be sweet scars on my soul. One day what was meant to harm me - what did harm me - will be used for good in my life and in the lives of those around.

 

All because I serve a God who can handle me hurt. Praise Him.

- B.B.