TMI

It's been a while since I've shared another story highlighting why I've earned the title, "The Queen of Bizarre Interactions with the Opposite Sex." Here's a little reminder...

In college, I dated my best friend - let's call him, WeTriedReallyHard. We were such good friends that we couldn't figure out if we really "liked" each other or if we just really liked each others company. It took us about a year to start actually dating and then we broke-up and got back together a few times over the course of about a year.

Once, we broke up after watching the episode of Grey's Anatomy, because WTRH said that, "He didn't look at me the way that Derek looks at Meredith...." I was quick to remind him that Patrick Dempsey looks at Ellen Pompeo the way he does because of a script and a million-dollar paycheck.

He failed to see the point I was trying to make.

Then, about a month later, he had a dream about me - I think there was a field and a sunset involved - and he asked if we could get back together… you know, because the dream told him it was a good idea.

So we did. My reasoning? I adored hanging out with him and if he loved Jesus and pointed me more towards Him, what could be bad about that? And, to tell the truth, I was right. It was a good relationship. We were kind to each other, we sharpened each other, we talked about deep and wonderful things… and then Seinfeld came to town.

Going to see Seinfeld perform was supposed to be a "date night" for us. Instead, I "hung out" with he & his frat-daddy buddies before the event. I think a round of Halo & an arcade basketball game were the appetizer and for the main course I rode in a van - sitting on WeTriedReallyHard's lap because there were about 27 of us in there- while the driver smoked pot. But it was okay, because WTRH was "ministering" to these guys {yeah, by putting me in a death-cab} and the show was on campus - you know, not too far away.

Ah, romance.

My skin bubbled through out Seinfeld's whole shtick. The only thing I remember from his routine is that he made fun of my university's brick choice for our buildings. I believe his exact words were: "And, wow, I can't get enough of this beige/taupe color combo." Not cool, Jerry. Not cool.

On our sober, smoke free ride home I lost it, bursting into tears and saying "I can't do this anymore!" {Like we "always" got stuck riding in pot-vans or something? I would like to assume I was still hallucinating a bit from sweet Mary Jane…}

We broke up after my small, drug-induced fit. And I DO blame Seinfeld.

The great thing is, I'm not even to the most bizarre part yet…

So, give it about a year, WTRH meets the most adorable girl. They fall in love and get married with-in the year. I'm thrilled - I celebrate with them at the wedding, welcome them as they join my church, and make plans to have his wonderful wife over for wine.

Now, I am truly excited to get to know Adorable Girl, but like most girls who are becoming friends with the ex-boyfriends new wife {that's normal, right?}, I didn't expect for us to dish about super-personal details. Nor did I expect my trash can at work to do the dishing for her…

A few bible studies from my church meet at my office on a weekly basis. I can only assume that Adorable Girl is in one of those studies. Why do I know that? Because, waiting for me in the restroom trashcan was Adorable Girl's preferred method of birth-control wrapper with her prescription label on it.

So, the question arises: Do you know how your college boyfriend and his new-bride are not having babies?

I do.

- George's Girl
"The Queen of Bizarre Interactions with the Opposite Sex"