You've Got Male

I have long said that the movie "You've Got Mail" is one of the best movies to illustrate what it looks like to trust the Lord with your heart. I know, I know - Elisabeth Elliott would definitely raise an eyebrow at me, but, if explained properly, I think even she would get where I was going with it.

Think back to the movie... from Meg Ryan’s character’s perspective, Tom Hanks’ character - the billionaire bookstore guy - and Tom Hank’s character - her e-mail pen pal - are two totally different guys. So let’s use these two men as a visual for what it looks like to wait on the Lord and to also pray for a husband.

See, Kathleen Kelly (Meg) knows that she is supposed to end up with her e-mail pen pal, but, at the same time, she is beginning to fall for Joe Fox - the bookstore billionaire. In the end, when they meet in the park, and she realizes that email pen-pal and bookstore billionaire are, in fact, the same person her response is "I hoped it was you - oh how I hoped it was you"

That’s how our hearts should respond as we are, during the dating process, “falling” for a guy. Until the Lord has called us into marriage, we need to continue to focus on our potential husband - pray for our potential husband - choose our potential husband... and be reminded that there is a huge chance that even while dating one guy, we have yet to meet our husband.

One night, two months ago, something made me turn back in my prayer journal to read what I had prayed on that exact date for the past fourteen - yes, fourteen years. Every day, on that day, I had prayed, in some form or fashion, for my husband.

My eyes filled with tears as I realized how long I have been longing for him and how faithfully and frequently he has been placed on my heart. But something else hit me in that moment as well - how lax I am, in praying for him, when I am dating someone else.

Why is it that when a guy comes into our lives, we immediately have to decide whether he is or isn’t The ONE? What is it about our generation that has forgotten that the definition of a date is not to decide whether this guy is “til death do us part” material, but instead “date two” material. What is it with us?? (I include myself in this kooky lot) Why do we stress ourselves out trying to answer a question that, at this point, NO ONE is asking us?

{SIDENOTE: If they are asking you to marry them on the first date, and, yes, in my life, that has happened, that is a whole new set of issues for a whole ‘nother day.}

But, if they are a seemingly sane and stable guy, if the dating process is going well, then why can’t we wait? Wait on the Lord to reveal where He is leading us in His time and in His way? Why can’t we daily pray for the man that is currently in our lives and also for the one that we pray always will be? If we choose the guy we are dating and the guy we are going to marry simultaneously and separately - we immediately fix two possible problems:

{Problem 1} Making stupid mistakes that you will later regret.
How many of us have given more than we wanted to give to/with the one that wasn’t The One? BUT… you thought he was the one. I know, I know, I did too, but he wasn’t. And, until you are at that alter and a ring is on your hand, he isn’t. If you choose your husband at the same time - if they aren’t the same person until they actually are the same person, why would you risk taking something away from the right one to give to the wrong one?  You wouldn’t.

{Problem 2}  Staying in a relationship too long.
We’ve all done it.  If you haven’t, I would like to meet you, shake your hand and give you a trophy. I’m betting I don’t have to buy too many trophies… because too often we immediately make the one in our lives, The One. Simultaneously adjusting (i.e. lowering) our list of what we have always hoped and prayed that our husband would be.  

Now, the list is a whole new set of issues for a whole ‘nother day, but I am not referring to hair color, eye color and what kind of shirt he does or does not wear. I mean “the list” that states, at his core, what kind of person he is and what kind of heart he has. We immediately throw away (or slowly erase) what we know we actually need because… well, here’s the one and he is none of those things. Has it not occurred to us that the list may not be the wrong… he might be?

This brings me to another line, from this ingenious flick...

Think back to when Kathleen Kelly is breaking up with her boyfriend (Greg Kinnear - dorky, type-writer obsessed guy). During the break-up, he asks, "Is there somebody else?" She laughs - because remember she hasn't met email guy (her “one”) yet - and says, "No, but there is the hope of somebody else."

This hit me and hit me hard. Sweet friends, why don’t we say the same thing? (Maybe not to the guy’s face, but most definitely in our hearts… to our girlfriends… as a status update on facebook).

It is a commonly stated “truth” that we will never be fully "over" one person until the next person comes along. For some reason that has never set well with me... something in that doesn't line up with actual Truth.

I couldn't fully put my finger on what it was until I realized... it's trust. We don't want to let go of what we know now until we know where we're going. Why? For me, it's usually because I want to make sure that what is coming is better...

So, we continue to date the person we should have broken up with eons ago or continue to pine over a total jerk, who could not possibly be God’s best for us, because we don’t yet know who God’s best is…

But, to be frank, what more do you need to know about God’s best, other than the fact that it is best? See, if we truly acknowledge that God is good and that He loves us and, if we choose to trust our completely good and completely loving Lord...if we choose to truly trust Him...in our gut...to the depth of our being... with our hearts... with our future... with our lives... then we know what’s coming is better... or rather, best.

I want to hold out for the day when that God suddenly opens my eyes and allows me to realize that the man that is standing before me and the man that I’ve been praying for all these years are, in fact, the same person. I want to have held onto the hope of “somebody else” long enough to be overwhelmed by the hope that the man that is in my life is the one that God has been leading me towards. I want to follow God until the bitter end. I don’t want an ounce of this story to have “my name” on it. I want the only markings to be the markings of God’s gracious guidance and my blind faith and trust.

Ladies, we have something worth hoping for and it is a hope better than the hope that Kathleen Kelly spoke of because we have a God worth hoping in.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." {Romans 5:3-5}

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess because He who promises is faithful”  {Hebrews 10:23}

The dating world is one crazy roller-coaster, but hold on because it can also be one heck of a ride. And just think, whether your “e-mail guy” - your “one” - is another version of a man that you have already met or a man that you have yet to meet... if you trust God with anything, you trust Him with everything. He has you, He will not let fail you and He will never leave you. Hold onto that hope. And, on nights when you wish you had someone tangible, maybe you do... you just haven’t met him yet (or have you?).

-Biblically Blonde