Let’s talk about breaking up… {down dooby doo down down}...because if we are going to start somewhere, we might as well begin with the end.
{DISCLAIMER: Breakups can be complicated and extremely hurtful. The following is not meant to minimize feelings or heal a wounded heart - it is a very simple, hopefully humorous, take on ending relationship.}
I have a friend, we will call him Mr. SoGoodLooking as to prevent the humiliation that the following story might cause. Mr. SoGoodLooking had a crush on a very cute girl. They flirted, talked on the phone, and generally had the new-relationship-warm-fuzzies. All was well, until one Saturday afternoon they bumped into each other at a… well, let's call it a "party."
As soon as their eyes met they both knew that it was over. There was no crying or calling of names. What lingered now was a startling blend of nausea and embarrassment. Their matching reunion T-shirts confirmed it… they were somehow related.
As awkward as the unfortunate incident at the family reunion was for him, Mr. SoGoodLooking was able jump back into the dating scene with nothing more than damaged dignity and (luckily for us) a great story.
Many relationships, however, don’t end that easily, and leave people angry, hurt, and confused. I’ve experienced both sides of a breakup more times than I would like to say. The relationships have been long and short, casual and serious, but regardless of the circumstance, they all have stung at least a little, even if it was only my ego that felt it.
So, here are my Cliffs Notes for Breakups. Use at your own risk:
For the Breakup-er:
1. Don’t pull the God card. Even if its somehow true, telling someone “God told me we are supposed to breakup” or “I don’t feel like God wants me in a relationship right now” can be painful - the person is left feeling confused and
without sufficient closure. They may feel like now they have to wait around until God gives the ok. And, what can they do? Who can question God?
2. It's okay if you don't want to date someone. You're not a monster.
3. Be clear and honest. If you don’t want to be with that person, the meanest thing that you can do is give them a glimmer of hope. Make sure that the person knows that you want to end the relationship… now. If there is a concrete
reason that is not hurtful, throw that in there, too. A guy once told George's Girl, “Let’s take a break now and come back in a couple of months and see if we are supposed to get married.” What...? You don't want to date me but in a few months you might want to marry me? Hmmmm, no thanks.
3. Never say, "Let’s just be friends." That doesn’t work... at least it never has for me...
4. Don’t procrastinate. If you know that the relationship is deteriorating, the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the more it will hurt for both of you.
For the Breakup-ee:
1. Only ask “why” once. If the person is telling you that they want to break up, it unlikely that there is a substantial reason {unless, of course, you did something weird like call his mom 76 times a day or break into his house to steal a sweater that smelled like him...}. It's most likely because it just fizzled.
2. There is nothing wrong with you. You will date again. You aren’t fat.
3. Let them leave. After everything has been said by both parties, let the conversation end. When you start repeating yourself, recognize that it is time to move on.
4. Get up, go buy a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and it’s ok to cry.
{Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.} -Ephesians 4:32
- PBP
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