I sat there staring at a handsome, 6’4’’ brunette, edamame in hand, leaning forward and talking. Had he just said “gooder”??
“I’m worried,” he continued, “you’re one of the gooder girls that I’ve dated… “
{He just said it again! Seriously... "gooder"?}
“…you know… you’re Baptist - you go to church every Sunday - you actually believe in that Jesus stuff”
{Am I hearing this? Is my jaw actually on the table or does it just feel like it?? Deep breaths… deep breaths… stay calm… stay cool…}
“You know - - that’s fine and all...” he continued.
{Is he still talking?? Why do I believe it’s not fine… at all.}
“I’m a spiritual person”
{A what??}
“I’ve dated girls that have gone to church before...”
{Awesome - is he asking for a high five?}
“But you’re just… really good… you know, 'religious.'”
{Is that a pause? Has he stopped? Is he done? Where is he going next?}
{Oh no... my stupid, big mouth…. it’s opening… I’m talking… be gracious… be gracious…}
“What does it feel like?” I heard myself calmly ask.
“Huh? What does what feel like?” he replied.
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms. “What does it feel like to wake up every day in a world where there is no grace?”
“What - huh?” he creatively retorted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I leaned forward. “I know you don’t, and I hate that for you. If you ever want to learn more about grace, give me a call, but I think we’re done here.”
With that, I got up and walked boldly out of the sushi restaurant. I had nearly made it to the parking lot when I realized that he had driven…
He took me home. We didn’t talk about grace. We didn’t talk at all. We never talked again.
I couldn’t go to sleep that night. There were so many questions in my head. Like… why would a handsome, well-educated, thirty-two year old man use the word “gooder”…twice?? What did he mean by “spiritual”?? And the convicting kicker that I was upset with myself for… how could we have lasted SIX dates??
I have a confession. It is a confession that has taken me and the Lord "to the mattresses" many times over the last few years: I have doubted our Lord. There. I said it. I have.
I was in a relationship for nearly five years of my life - from the age of 18-23 - and to say that the issues in our relationship were dysfunctional and that the relationship ended disastrously is like saying that the atomic bomb ended World War II with a "bang". Over the course of that relationship, I did everything “right” - I dotted every “i” and crossed every “t” and it was… awful.
In all honesty, it has taken me five years to fully trust the Lord’s ways again, when it comes to dating. This scenario above was a bit of a pivot point in my life, but it occurred three years ago, and he was most definitely not the last handsome, dashing, charming man that I have dated that had no knowledge or an extremely skewed knowledge of the God that I love.
When the long-term, dysfunctional relationship, which I was referring to, ended, I was not only broken hearted, but also jaded. I had been a “good” girl - I had found a “good” guy - we had done the “right” things - and I had gotten burned… my dreams had been dashed… my heart had been crushed. It took me years to realize how much I felt like the Lord had let me down.
I say this tenderly and sympathetically because I know the depths of a broken heart and the devastation of dashed dreams - this fallen world will break your heart and {please stick with me for a second} your God will stand by and let it get broken. We don’t like to talk about that, I know. But we need to face the facts because, if we believe He is sovereign and nothing is beyond His power or out of His hands, then we have to accept the fact that there are times in our lives, when He could sweep in and do something, but instead He allows it to come to pass. There are times when He allows our hearts to be broken, our dreams to be dashed and us to hit rock bottom.
The only choice we have, in those moments, is our response. My response was a bit bipolar and, I might add, totally human. I was broken - so I knew I needed God and, in many ways, was running faster after Him than I had ever run, but I was also jaded, and I thought that this whole “looking for a Godly man thing” was a bunch of baloney that ended up with your being lied to, your heart being broken and your life being boring.
There was a lie being told, but it wasn’t by God.
There is a game that the enemy of our souls plays and plays well. He’s played it since the garden. He makes you think that, in giving you rules, God is depriving you instead of protecting you.
I am not saying that you can’t grab coffee or a cocktail with someone that is not a rock solid Christian - I am not saying that at all. For several reasons…
1) A guy’s faith is displayed very differently from ours, and it sometimes takes several encounters for you to get to know the heart and
2) I’m fascinated by people, and I think you can learn a lot about who you are by going on dates with different types of guys
However: Be careful. Be cautious. Be obedient.
I wish that I could be back to that sushi restaurant and replay that scene. If I found myself there today, I would say “I’m no gooder - I’m just a kooky, ditzy sinner, who is graciously loved by an amazing and faithful God. He is what’s good in me. Trust me, if you don’t want Him - you don’t want me.”
-Biblically Blonde
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