Something Borrowed...

There is a very wise woman who lives in Austin. Her name is Fabs. Please enjoy these two excerpts from her blog {Thoughts From Fabs} rolled into one - and visit her blog for more wisdom...}


It’s a tricky thing: talking about singleness. You’ve got to make sure you write about it on the right day. If it’s a rough day you can yield to the temptation to believe that singleness is all pain and misery. If it’s a perfect day, you can forget that there are true trials ahead and behind and that God is gracious in the midst of them, not just when the sun is out.

I get nervous talking about singleness because I feel like I’m supposed to not even notice that I’m single because I’m so content in Jesus, right?

And I hate talking about it because too often it contributes to the enemy’s plan to get us to miss the blessings of singleness by wallowing in self-pity or jealousy or bitterness.

I believe that singleness affords blessings that marriage does not. (I also believe that marriage affords blessings that singleness does not). No one person can be entrusted with both the ministry of marriage and the ministry that’s possible through singleness. Every person reading this has been entrusted with one of these, but most of us make the mistake of seeing our lives through the lens of deficiency: what has been withheld from me? Instead of seeing our lives through the biblical lens: everything has been given. Even the withholding is actually a giving of something. By withholding children, God gives us additional time and flexibility for ministry. By withholding time and flexibility for ministry with motherhood, God gives us the joy of raising disciple’s right in our own home. By withholding marriage, God gives us the ministry of singleness.

In order to help me adjust my lens, I’m going to spend some time processing through what I see as the less obvious blessings of singleness. I believe the greatest blessings of singleness might be the blessings that come in the form of trial; the sufferings of singleness must be taken hold of so that I can exploit this season and not waste a drop of pain.

Suffering seems like a big word right now, sitting on my sweet couch in my sweet apartment. But I don’t know what other word to use. It is clear in the bible that our suffering is often God’s greatest gift to us. I think the ‘sufferings’ of singleness are some of the greatest blessings about it.

I want to be faithful with what I have been entrusted. I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want to waste any of my suffering. I don’t want to waste any of my singleness. Because singleness carries with it a daunting expiration date. I have a limited time when I will endure the pains and pleasures of singleness. There is a day coming when I will be with the One I was made for. Come Lord Jesus.

So, over the next few posts I’m going to walk through a couple of my own personal ‘singleness sufferings’ and how these have thus far been the greatest gifts of singleness.

One major disclaimer:  I don’t think I have the corner on suffering. I don’t think singleness is all suffering. I don’t think singles suffer more than married folks or moms or anyone else. I just think there are unique trials in singleness and I just think the BEST parts of singleness are the hardest parts of singleness. This is true for you as well, reader. Whatever stage of life or circumstance you are in provides unique pain and if you are able to press into suffering as an opportunity to work out an eternal weight of glory then I believe you will see the joy of what has been entrusted to you.

Another disclaimer: For some reason, every time I mention something that’s hard about singleness everyone feels the need to assure me that marriage isn’t the solution. So, I guess people must assume that when people speak about a challenge in their stage of life they are seeking another stage of life to correct the pain. This is not the case. I believe there are unique sufferings in singleness, but this does not mean I believe marriage is the solution to these sufferings. I believe Jesus is the solution.

This is true of any sufferings. They are not designed to help us long for a different earthly circumstance. They are not designed to teach us to desire a different stage of life. Each stage of life affords different sufferings equipping us to long for Jesus in a unique way. Far too many of us (myself included) allow our singleness to tempt us to long for an earthly shadow instead of cultivating a longing for an eternal reality. This isn’t unique to singleness. In each moment of our day – in the huge tragedy or the momentary irritation – we are tempted to long for a shift in earth circumstance to save us, instead of learning to long for our savior from heaven.

May God forgive us – may He forgive me – for that. May the pain of singleness drive us not to long for marriage but to long for a reunion with our Creator.


Blessings of Singleness#1: Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t unique to singleness. I can’t imagine the very painful loneliness of living with an emotionally absent husband or going to sleep alone after losing a spouse.

Loneliness is the strangest sensation. It is physical and emotional and I don’t quite no what to do with it. And I know it won’t kill me but when I’m experiencing it, it seems strangely unbearable. I feel that if I can’t fix it – if I can’t make it go away – I’ll die.

For me, loneliness is rooted in the pain of never feeling truly known; not having anyone who shares my deepest fears, dreams or longings. And the fraudulent reality that singles sometimes believe is that no one has even attempted to know us. We feel alone in decisions.  We feel alone in our fears. We feel alone in our dreams. The weird thing about singleness is that no one is supposed to know us in the deepest ways. I am in a season of life where God has declared that no mortal being will know me intimately. And that’s lonely.

The pain of loneliness is such a gift. Like all pain, it lets us know that something somewhere isn’t quite right. My loneliness reminds me that this world is unsatisfying and insufficient. It’s a signpost that prompts me to seek help outside of myself.

Each jab of loneliness tests my heart: do I believe in the ‘enoughness’ of God? Will I believe in what He says even when life seems to testify otherwise? He says I have everything I need. He says He will satisfy the longing heart. And each twinge of pain provides a reminder to cast my gaze heavenward and to refuse to be comforted by anything but Him.

Without loneliness, I would never persevere. I am too easily satisfied. Given the choice, I would settle for any companionship that would offer me a momentary sedative for loneliness. And in His great kindness, the Lord has not provided that for me. On a Friday night, alone in my apartment, when I feel like no one even knows I’m alive, there is no hope of freedom from the loneliness except the goodness of God and the truth of the gospel. I have no where else to turn. I am forced to deal with God. His promises become my only hope.

There are ways to waste your loneliness. You will waste your loneliness if you let it feed a desire for mere mortals instead of the Almighty. Our loneliness is not designed to teach us to long for a spouse. A spouse or singleness, companionship or loneliness – they are all designed to teach us to long for God.

You will waste your loneliness if you allow it to lead you to doubt the promises and the goodness of God. The primary blessing of loneliness is that it teaches you to yearn for God in a deep way and it can be used by the Spirit to increase and fuel our faith so that we might believe that He is our only joy.

You will waste your loneliness if you try to shove things into the God shaped hole inside of you and become embittered when they fail to satisfy a need they were never made to fill. Or if you become frustrated with God that He hasn’t provided idols for you to turn to instead of Him. There is someone who knows us deeply. There is someone who pursues us intimately and always. Loneliness doesn’t happen because Jesus is not enough. Loneliness happens because we don’t have enough of Christ. The crossroads we arrive at when the pain sets in forces us to see what we really believe. Will we trust that He is our treasure and reach and beg for more of Him? Or, will we trade Him for a more tangible, but more pathetic treasure?

Press into your loneliness and allow it to remind you that you are not home here. He promises to satisfy the longing heart and fill the hungry mouth with good things.  Don’t let your loneliness ever be quenched with something this side of Heaven.  Learn to long with a Holy discontentment. Our God is the God of the hungry and the thirsty. By His grace I will stay in that category. God forbid I ever get full and fat on the gifts He gives.

Whatever your stage of life – be encouraged when you experience loneliness. Press into it. Learn not to look to your spouse or friends to make this feeling go away – but instead let the pain instruct you to long for what is not yet seen.

Yearn for the only one who will ever fully know you and love you unfailingly & faithfully. There is only One. His name is Jesus. He alone can satisfy the longing heart.  Let your loneliness lead you to long for Him.

-Fabs

{To see Blessings of Singleness #2-7 visit Thoughts From Fabs}