With the holiday season upon us, giving and receiving is on everyone’s mind. I love giving gifts. I even love giving much more than getting.
I would love to say that that is because of my perfectly pure heart, but I really think that that is because of the people pleaser inside of me - the part of me that stresses that I am not adequately showing the giver how much I like the gift. As they stand there smiling, waiting for my response, all I can think is… Is my smile big enough? Was I surprised enough? Do I look genuine enough? Is my voice a good level of giddy or is it too high-pitched and perky?
I would love to say that that is because of my perfectly pure heart, but I really think that that is because of the people pleaser inside of me - the part of me that stresses that I am not adequately showing the giver how much I like the gift. As they stand there smiling, waiting for my response, all I can think is… Is my smile big enough? Was I surprised enough? Do I look genuine enough? Is my voice a good level of giddy or is it too high-pitched and perky?
I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.
And this is my behavior when I really like the gift - don’t even get me started on “faking” my way through the gifts that I don’t like or don’t understand. You open up the gift and think… you’ve got to be kidding me. What is it? You thought I would like this? CLEARLY you don’t know me at all. And the fact is, they probably don’t. They probably bought a gift that they liked and assumed I would like it as well. Or they put very little thought into the gift giving process altogether. Regardless, we now have a gifts that we don’t understand or enjoy.
Until recently, that is exactly how I felt about the “gift” of singleness. Every prayer I prayed, in regards to dating and my current state, showed my disgruntled disgust with the gift that God had given me.
I appreciate the gesture, God, but, to be frank, I’m fake-smiling my way through this one.
I remember the first time I heard a woman speak on this so-called "gift" of singleness. I remember I was in middle school and my initial thoughts were… that’s BS… this poor woman is clearly in denial… and I’m really glad that this pitiful person will not be me.
Well, guess what? At twenty-eight years of age, I am single. I am not two kids into my fabulous family of four children, that I knew that God would provide. I am not dating anyone. I am not sure if I will spend the rest of my life with someone. But you know what else I am not?? I am not trying to return the gift that I have been given. I finally understand both its weight and its worth.
Why? You ask. How? You think. Because I love the giver of that gift and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the One that I love, loves me.
I do realize that killing your own spiders, going to weddings dateless, sitting solo on Saturday nights, changing your car's tires (or calling AAA to change them), paying your bills alone, and making big decisions on your own doesn’t sound like the most prized of packages. I will grant you that this little present does comes in some pretty heavy wrapping… but I also ask that, before you cast this gift aside and think that it could not possibly be meant for you, you first dig deeper and see all that its contents hold. Because, unlike the givers of the gifts that I was referring to above, this Giver does get you, this Giver put a lot of thought into this gift, this Giver knew that today, this gift was the best gift that He could give you.
Isaiah 30:18 states: “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Yeah... yeah... yeah... there's that waiting word again. I know. But did you know that, if you were to look up the Hebrew of that verse, the words “long” and “wait” come from the same root? Well, they do. So what does that mean and what does that have to do with this lousy gift of loneliness? Everything.
The first thing that those two words tell us is that we can’t have waiting without longing. So, my dear, if today, you find yourself, like some little girl in a Disney movie, looking out your window, wishing on a star, and missing someone you have never met, please know that I have been there and please also know that that is ok. Grace yourself in your longing. Because, see, if you weren’t longing for something or, in this case, someone, you wouldn’t be “waiting” - you would just be passing time. Waiting only occurs when there is an object that we are longing for and that object has yet to arrive. Longing is natural, longing will happen, feelings will arise and, when they do, place them in the hands of your Father who is longing too. And, while you’re doing that, get this: If you can’t have “waiting” without “longing” you can’t have “longing” without “waiting” so… stick with me you deep divas, when it says that our Lord “longs” to be gracious to you, what it is saying is that He so wants to give you the desires of your heart, but... He is waiting. One thing I know about our God is that everything He does is intentional. So, if He is waiting, there is a reason that He is waiting. There is purpose in the delay. Let this truth not be a discouragement to your heart, but an encouragement. When your longings and pleadings get a delay (or even a “no”) - know that there is a greater purpose. My dear, there is, in fact, great glory at stake.
What glory? God's. What purpose? I don't know and I'm not going to embarrass myself by attempting to guess. Years down the road, we will probably... no, most definitely, be able to look back and see some of the reasons. But even then, I know we will still only be seeing the surface of the depth of God's goodness, love, and plan for our lives.
So, to take you back to this glorious gift that I now hold in my hands... I don't know why I'm single and solo at twenty-eight. I don't know. I do know, and this came as a shocker to me one day, that it might have nothing to do with me.
{Caveat: Before I explain, let me say that I don't think there is "one" person for you. But I also know that my omniscient God knows the one that I am going to end up with, assuming there is one that I will end up with, and the more I seek the Lord and the more this hypothetical man seeks the Lord, I have to believe that my omniscient and omnipotent God is doing big things in both of our lives to prepare us for the moment where He knows we, of our own free will, will choose one another. Does your head hurt? Good - moving on.}
That's why, at the best of rehearsal dinners, I get chills hearing the groom’s buddies tell of his journey and chills hearing the bride's friends tell of her journey. The overlap, the parallels, the moment the two met and the timing is finally, perfectly, "ironically" just right - wow - amazing - awesome - inexplicable. He is big - He is intentional - He is in everything.
So why am I talking about rehearsal dinners? Because it hit me, in my egotistical, self-centered, hard-headed brain, that I might be where God wants me to be, but this hypothetical one might not be there yet. I hate to remind myself that this thing called our lives is, in fact, not all about us. And the God that we love and loves us, loves this hypothetical one just as much. And the good and the glory that our Lord is after is so much bigger than two people.
So, my dear, has it occurred to you that God wouldn't think twice about putting you on pause for bit so that He can work in another's life (as well as your own)? If it hasn't, maybe it should and maybe you should get used to it. Remember, He is in the heavens - He does what He pleases - He's not on our timetable.
That being said, may I again remind you that what pleases Him, is to be gracious to you. He longs for it, in fact, because He loves you. He loved you first and He loves you best. He also made you and He knows that He made you with a longing. You might be longing for someone to walk alongside you through this life, trust me, I am too, but I am referring to a greater longing, to a deeper longing - a longing that only He can fill.
He is a jealous God. Not in the sense that we think of jealousy - controlling, manipulative, selfish - but in an all good, all pure sense of jealousy where He will not let anything come between a heart turned to Him and Him. This should comfort you. This should excite you.
The other night I was sitting at home, expecting the phone to ring. I had had a few dates. I had figured, given typical guy time-line, this was the night those guys would call for round two, when a song came on. I'm not going to tell you the song. In fact, this girl who shares everything, hasn't shared this song with a soul, but a song came on and all of the sudden I saw myself at the altar... with God... and I couldn't see who was standing next to me, but I knew that it wasn't a guy whom I was expecting to call. All of the sudden I said, “God, please hold them back. I don't want distractions - I don't need dates - I'm not looking for affirmation - I'm looking for him - I'm looking for one worthy to stand up there with the two of us - I'm looking for a man who is going to add to the love that I have for you, not take from it - I may not know him yet - hold the others back, Lord - let him, and only him, through.”
Because this gift that I never asked for, the gift that I have repeatedly whined about and the gift that I have tried many times to return, is the best gift that I have ever received. I didn't want it, but I needed it. In fact, it is all that I need.
Do you want to know one of the sweetest gifts of singleness? It’s knowing that if the Lord brings me that hypothetical one, he will be icing on a really sweet cake. Don't get me wrong, I hope Mr. Hypothetical is amazingly hot and kind and sexy and charming and dashing and bold and debonair icing. And I hope it's amazingly sweet, but he's just icing... I already have the cake. The gift is my God. The gift is knowing to my core the value of what I've got and, if I've got Him, I've got everything. He is my portion. He is the foundation for my times and my constant source of stability. He is it - He is great - He is a treasure.
Daily chase that treasure - run hard after that treasure - and if, on your chase, you suddenly discover that someone is running alongside of you, well, isn't well-timed. But, dear one, that fast runner will never top the treasure - he will never replace the gift. Don't return a treasure for rubble. Open the gift, get to know the contents, and the trust what the true Treasure has in store.
And this is my behavior when I really like the gift - don’t even get me started on “faking” my way through the gifts that I don’t like or don’t understand. You open up the gift and think… you’ve got to be kidding me. What is it? You thought I would like this? CLEARLY you don’t know me at all. And the fact is, they probably don’t. They probably bought a gift that they liked and assumed I would like it as well. Or they put very little thought into the gift giving process altogether. Regardless, we now have a gifts that we don’t understand or enjoy.
Until recently, that is exactly how I felt about the “gift” of singleness. Every prayer I prayed, in regards to dating and my current state, showed my disgruntled disgust with the gift that God had given me.
I appreciate the gesture, God, but, to be frank, I’m fake-smiling my way through this one.
I remember the first time I heard a woman speak on this so-called "gift" of singleness. I remember I was in middle school and my initial thoughts were… that’s BS… this poor woman is clearly in denial… and I’m really glad that this pitiful person will not be me.
Well, guess what? At twenty-eight years of age, I am single. I am not two kids into my fabulous family of four children, that I knew that God would provide. I am not dating anyone. I am not sure if I will spend the rest of my life with someone. But you know what else I am not?? I am not trying to return the gift that I have been given. I finally understand both its weight and its worth.
Why? You ask. How? You think. Because I love the giver of that gift and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the One that I love, loves me.
I do realize that killing your own spiders, going to weddings dateless, sitting solo on Saturday nights, changing your car's tires (or calling AAA to change them), paying your bills alone, and making big decisions on your own doesn’t sound like the most prized of packages. I will grant you that this little present does comes in some pretty heavy wrapping… but I also ask that, before you cast this gift aside and think that it could not possibly be meant for you, you first dig deeper and see all that its contents hold. Because, unlike the givers of the gifts that I was referring to above, this Giver does get you, this Giver put a lot of thought into this gift, this Giver knew that today, this gift was the best gift that He could give you.
Isaiah 30:18 states: “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Yeah... yeah... yeah... there's that waiting word again. I know. But did you know that, if you were to look up the Hebrew of that verse, the words “long” and “wait” come from the same root? Well, they do. So what does that mean and what does that have to do with this lousy gift of loneliness? Everything.
The first thing that those two words tell us is that we can’t have waiting without longing. So, my dear, if today, you find yourself, like some little girl in a Disney movie, looking out your window, wishing on a star, and missing someone you have never met, please know that I have been there and please also know that that is ok. Grace yourself in your longing. Because, see, if you weren’t longing for something or, in this case, someone, you wouldn’t be “waiting” - you would just be passing time. Waiting only occurs when there is an object that we are longing for and that object has yet to arrive. Longing is natural, longing will happen, feelings will arise and, when they do, place them in the hands of your Father who is longing too. And, while you’re doing that, get this: If you can’t have “waiting” without “longing” you can’t have “longing” without “waiting” so… stick with me you deep divas, when it says that our Lord “longs” to be gracious to you, what it is saying is that He so wants to give you the desires of your heart, but... He is waiting. One thing I know about our God is that everything He does is intentional. So, if He is waiting, there is a reason that He is waiting. There is purpose in the delay. Let this truth not be a discouragement to your heart, but an encouragement. When your longings and pleadings get a delay (or even a “no”) - know that there is a greater purpose. My dear, there is, in fact, great glory at stake.
What glory? God's. What purpose? I don't know and I'm not going to embarrass myself by attempting to guess. Years down the road, we will probably... no, most definitely, be able to look back and see some of the reasons. But even then, I know we will still only be seeing the surface of the depth of God's goodness, love, and plan for our lives.
So, to take you back to this glorious gift that I now hold in my hands... I don't know why I'm single and solo at twenty-eight. I don't know. I do know, and this came as a shocker to me one day, that it might have nothing to do with me.
{Caveat: Before I explain, let me say that I don't think there is "one" person for you. But I also know that my omniscient God knows the one that I am going to end up with, assuming there is one that I will end up with, and the more I seek the Lord and the more this hypothetical man seeks the Lord, I have to believe that my omniscient and omnipotent God is doing big things in both of our lives to prepare us for the moment where He knows we, of our own free will, will choose one another. Does your head hurt? Good - moving on.}
That's why, at the best of rehearsal dinners, I get chills hearing the groom’s buddies tell of his journey and chills hearing the bride's friends tell of her journey. The overlap, the parallels, the moment the two met and the timing is finally, perfectly, "ironically" just right - wow - amazing - awesome - inexplicable. He is big - He is intentional - He is in everything.
So why am I talking about rehearsal dinners? Because it hit me, in my egotistical, self-centered, hard-headed brain, that I might be where God wants me to be, but this hypothetical one might not be there yet. I hate to remind myself that this thing called our lives is, in fact, not all about us. And the God that we love and loves us, loves this hypothetical one just as much. And the good and the glory that our Lord is after is so much bigger than two people.
So, my dear, has it occurred to you that God wouldn't think twice about putting you on pause for bit so that He can work in another's life (as well as your own)? If it hasn't, maybe it should and maybe you should get used to it. Remember, He is in the heavens - He does what He pleases - He's not on our timetable.
That being said, may I again remind you that what pleases Him, is to be gracious to you. He longs for it, in fact, because He loves you. He loved you first and He loves you best. He also made you and He knows that He made you with a longing. You might be longing for someone to walk alongside you through this life, trust me, I am too, but I am referring to a greater longing, to a deeper longing - a longing that only He can fill.
He is a jealous God. Not in the sense that we think of jealousy - controlling, manipulative, selfish - but in an all good, all pure sense of jealousy where He will not let anything come between a heart turned to Him and Him. This should comfort you. This should excite you.
The other night I was sitting at home, expecting the phone to ring. I had had a few dates. I had figured, given typical guy time-line, this was the night those guys would call for round two, when a song came on. I'm not going to tell you the song. In fact, this girl who shares everything, hasn't shared this song with a soul, but a song came on and all of the sudden I saw myself at the altar... with God... and I couldn't see who was standing next to me, but I knew that it wasn't a guy whom I was expecting to call. All of the sudden I said, “God, please hold them back. I don't want distractions - I don't need dates - I'm not looking for affirmation - I'm looking for him - I'm looking for one worthy to stand up there with the two of us - I'm looking for a man who is going to add to the love that I have for you, not take from it - I may not know him yet - hold the others back, Lord - let him, and only him, through.”
Because this gift that I never asked for, the gift that I have repeatedly whined about and the gift that I have tried many times to return, is the best gift that I have ever received. I didn't want it, but I needed it. In fact, it is all that I need.
Do you want to know one of the sweetest gifts of singleness? It’s knowing that if the Lord brings me that hypothetical one, he will be icing on a really sweet cake. Don't get me wrong, I hope Mr. Hypothetical is amazingly hot and kind and sexy and charming and dashing and bold and debonair icing. And I hope it's amazingly sweet, but he's just icing... I already have the cake. The gift is my God. The gift is knowing to my core the value of what I've got and, if I've got Him, I've got everything. He is my portion. He is the foundation for my times and my constant source of stability. He is it - He is great - He is a treasure.
Daily chase that treasure - run hard after that treasure - and if, on your chase, you suddenly discover that someone is running alongside of you, well, isn't well-timed. But, dear one, that fast runner will never top the treasure - he will never replace the gift. Don't return a treasure for rubble. Open the gift, get to know the contents, and the trust what the true Treasure has in store.
- Biblically Blonde
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